i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize