All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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