Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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