saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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