I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I AM VODKA MAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize