So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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