i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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