i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize