I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
