i need an iv and a liver transplant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
