I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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