well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Found the puke drawer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
