Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
