yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just had sex bonerless
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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