I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
