YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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