do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
