I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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