I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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