My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
