Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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