ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
