every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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