We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
