I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
