he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
