So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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