How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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