I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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