then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
