It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is wine microwaveable?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
