2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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