everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
