Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
