He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
