Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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