GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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