All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
