It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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