Me too!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
