I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
