Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
