i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
