Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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