That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
