I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
