She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
