We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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