Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
