Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
