my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
