oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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