You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
