My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize