He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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