do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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