xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
