Small penises have feelings too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
