i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
