i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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