Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
