Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
