I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
