Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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