u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
