I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
