Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
