But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
