So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
