Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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