I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize