We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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