You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
