There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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