pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
