is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
