Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone signed my nipple.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
