drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
