Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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