My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
