he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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