so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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