i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
