just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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