Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize