how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
