she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
