I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize