You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
