Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She even gives head with a lisp.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
