Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
