So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
