she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
