Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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