Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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