It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
