I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
