you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
