the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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