69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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