I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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