the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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