I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
