Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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