Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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