I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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