why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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