Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
