about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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